I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
