You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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