Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
