Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
