true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
