i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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