i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
