i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
