Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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