At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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