We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize