are you still at the devil's house?
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
