Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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