I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My cat gives me a boner
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
