Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
