New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
