apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
