you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
