that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
