Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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