What did we do last night that was yellow?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
