I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
