That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
