My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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