Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
