My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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