I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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