I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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