Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
