I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize