you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
