Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
