I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
