Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize