he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize