drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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