Dual....:-)
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
