He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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