Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
As shirtless as possible
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
