I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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