He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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