I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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