i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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