I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
