what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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