I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
