don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
