So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
