This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
