By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You made out with two different species that night
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
