I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
