my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
