I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
