Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
