you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
