if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
what day is it and did you see me today?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
