i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
