Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
this beer tastes like vomit already
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
