i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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