You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
