Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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