I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
