she looked like the bat from fern gully.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
