They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize