Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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