you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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