I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
