So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
