He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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