We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize