While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
