We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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