really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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