I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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