Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
