Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
