When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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