seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
