i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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