i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Watching her eat just hurts me
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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