I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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