and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
