What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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