yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i believe in u and ur pee
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
