Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I stole a fireplace last night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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