She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
