Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
