she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
